Two Years Later...

I made this blog a long time ago, but clearly I have not utilized it to its full potential. I started it as a way to keep myself honest, and because I don't anticipate this being read by many people, have it as an outlet for some of the emotions that come along with weight loss. If I've learned anything in the last few years, it's that weight loss is an emotional journey that dredges up unresolved feelings of past hurt, the disappointment or pride in yourself, the anger that you did this to yourself, and the excitement that the journey brings you.

First thing's first. I've actually been successful at my weight loss journey this time. I joined Weight Watchers in July of 2010 and I have lost 23 pounds, as of this writing. It's not a lot of weight in this long of a time, but I am beyond proud of my progress, espcially considering the life challenges I've faced during this year and a half. I graduated grad school, bought a house, started teaching at the university level, worked three jobs at once, and maintained a happy life outside of school and work. There were months that my only goal was to maintain my weight, and for a while there, the scale creeped on up. I'm on the way back down due to my personal dedication to not let myself fail in this endeavor.

For me, weight loss is only partially superficial. Sure, I like the way that I look now that I've lost weight, and I dream of one day wearing a bikini with no shame again. Mostly, though, my weight loss journey is allowing me to prove to the world and myself that I can overcome. I have not let my dad's death control my life. I may have let the unresolved trauma shape me into the 202 pound woman that I once was, but it's not who I am now. It's not who he would be proud of. I am strong, and in the last 4 1/2 years since he died, I have become stronger. I will win.